I have this minor obsession with all things Taylor. I know, I know, I’m a thirty-one year old “grown-up” that should be more interested in my life with my husband and our fat cat, than with a pop star. But what can I say. She puts a smile on my face almost every day, and who says your idol can’t be years younger than you?

So this Saturday is the big day. We are going to the concert that I’ve been waiting months for. My husband is coming with me, and while I should probably lie to you and say that I am dragging him along, I’m going to be honest with you. He can’t wait. This is the same husband that serenades our 24 pound cat Lucy with Taylor Swift songs, day in and day out. This is the same husband that puts on his police uniform, and tries to drop as many T. Swift lyrics as he can when he’s on a traffic stop (think: Super Troopers, but with Taylor Swift lyrics). It’s literally hilarious. It’s one of the many reasons I love him.

Back to the point: I obviously want to meet Taylor. So I tried to win every set of backstage passes I could, on every radio station I heard. When that failed, I decided to take to Twitter. I’m sending Taylor this letter, to explain why she should invite me backstage. I mean, obviously it would be the highlight of her day. I wouldn’t even be surprised if I replaced one of her friends in her posse. A girl can have dreams, right?

So without further ado, here’s the letter. You may recognize all the italics. As in, they are every one of her recorded songs.

Dear Taylor,

You are a superstar and I am going to speak now. I don’t want my life to be sad, beautiful, tragic, while I sit, a girl at home, safe and sound, with my white horse (or fat cat named Lucy), and The Lucky One (in other words, my husband Brendan), waiting for a knock on the other side of the door. I know my chances of meeting you are about as low as superman, with sparks flying out of his pants, as he flies out of the woods, through the outside city, into the starlight. But I will try to breathe, keep a blank space in my calendar, and keep my eyes open for a response from you. Look, I’ll come clean with you.  I’m sure there are plenty of other Swifties, trying to figure out how you get the girl to meet you. And while I wouldn’t want to take away their opportunities, I’m red with jealousy for the ones that get that enchanted moment with you. I think a lot of the fifteen year olds have a little better chance, or even the 22 year olds for that matter. As an old maid of 31, I fear I’ve lost my innocent shot. So I’ve become fearless, and I will become breathless with explanation as to why a perfectly good heart like mine deserves a shot!

I think the moment I knew everything has changed, was Ronan. I had serious admiration for you before this, but entered a state of grace when I heard you tell Maya’s story of us for him. It was something sweeter than fiction, and I am sure to tell every one of my friends how that was the moment I knew the way I loved you. Which is totally platonic by the way. And not at all in a you belong with me type of way. Because even though you have beautiful eyes, I have my own love story with this love of mine, my own Tim McGraw look-a-like.  Only I think my man is even cuter. That was a little mean, don’t tell Tim! What can I say, we’re new romantics. Ours is a love where we never have to say you’re not sorry.

Let me begin again. I almost do think that if this was a movie, I would be crying teardrops on my guitar while I lived in a wonderland trying to figure out how to never grow up. But because that isn’t a place in this world of reality, (and because I don’t play the guitar), I will continue growing up (and old), and possibly remain invisible. The last time I sent you a letter, it was an invitation to my wedding. I was about to have my last kiss as a single woman, before a priest who declared, “You are in love” with this man before you. We danced to our song and he became mine. But the whole time, I was haunted with the thought that I wish you would show up. I just thought to myself, oh my my my, I will just have to shake this off, and try again later. So I waited… and back to December, when I bought my tickets to this show, and realized I would be singing along to ­“All You Had to Do Was Stay” with you come August, I thought I would stay, stay, stay after the concert until I caught a glimpse of you. Only now I realize that might not be the best style. So I contemplated flying to see you in NYC, and maybe you’d say “Welcome to New York.” But the chances are you’d probably call the police thinking “I knew you were trouble.” So since I don’t really want a restraining order, I’ll just hope for you to tell me to come in with the rain this Saturday night. And then pray for rain….because as you may know, California is in a severe drought.  But maybe I’ll get lucky, and hear you telling your stage hand, “Hey Stephen! Bring those two backstage.”  Because you know, you’ll be thinking, “I want you back-stage.” And while I know places, a lot of places, I don’t know what it’s like to be told to come back…be here, backstage.

You may meet me, think to yourself, “I should’ve said no,” and realize that we are never ever getting back together. And that’s fine. But there’s more than a chance that I will leave thinking, “Today was a fairytale,” and my wildest dreams just came true. As I long live, forever and always, I would remember the best day of my life. The day I walked on holy ground feeling untouchable.

I know myself all too well, and would probably jump then fall all over myself if I did in fact get an invite. But just in case, please don’t send a dear john letter in response, and tell me why we will not be tied together with a smile as we take selfies after the concert.  Do not worry, I will never become treacherous with a picture to burn, because I don’t believe in anything better than revenge. I will always be on Team Swifty. Besides, I’m only me, when I’m with you. On the radio.

I will always fill in the blank of “I heart ?” with Taylor Swift.

Shauna Rae

PS: It gets cold in Santa Clara at night, so bring a sweater! I wouldn’t want you to be as cold as you would feel!