I cannot wait until I turn 51. I know most people don’t want to get older, but I have been counting down to my retirement since I started working at 14. Only twenty more years to go, and I’ll finally be able to do exactly what I want to do every day. No alarm clock, no boss, just me. And my husband of course. I must give him credit, since it’s only because of him that I will be able to retire at that age. Don’t worry babe, I’ll take up knitting and sell handmade blankets to all the other old folks in our community. Side income right there. I’ll be your sugar momma.
There is only two ways that I’d stop working any time soon: we win the lottery (highly unlikely), or I lose my job (more likely, but keeping my fingers crossed it’s unlikely). I suppose if I had a baby I could get a few months off as well, but does that really count? Let’s see…screaming baby vs. screaming coworkers? Hmmmm…its a toss up.
While we remain lucky to still have our jobs, we recently had a friend that lost one. Although I still can’t figure out why people say “I lost my job,” since it’s not really lost. It stays exactly where it is, it just typically gets a new inhabitant. I wish jobs were as loyal as Lucy. Lucy would never let someone else take over my job. She is one loyal fat cat.
In order to send a little cheer to our dear friend, we put together this Survival Kit for the Unemployed. Nothing says “Cheer Up” like a box filled with candy and hand-picked gifts. And if that doesn’t cheer you up, then the mini bottle of alcohol better.
Candy: Lemons/Lemonheads, Root Beer Candy / Root Beer, 100 Grand Candy, Laffy Taffy, Crybabies, Lifesavers, Licorice Bites, Pack of Gum, Peanuts
Brain Busters: Crossword Puzzle, Thesaurus, Notepad, Games, Thank You Cards, Puzzles, Bible
Miscellaneous: Cookie Mix, Alcohol, Champagne (not pictured), Tissues, Packing Tape, Air Freshener
Put everything together in a basket for your friend, and then say a prayer of thanks that you still have your job. While you’re at it, you might as well add an extra bottle of booze. They may need some serious cheer. Besides, you don’t need it. You have a job. Or is that exactly why you do need it?
After you’ve printed your tags, and put your box together, I give you permission to have a drink. You deserve it.